Unexpected Life

   So a lot has changed since I last blogged. I am so lost with life right now. I dropped out of CU, have no friends, and I literally wouldn't mind dying. I hate everything about my life. I have no friends..maybe i never did, it just took a hard time like this to realize they were never real. Im not becoming a communications major or Journalism major, im doing interior design. I might live at home forever going to fucking community college. I am struggling so much with finding who I am, letting go of the past and accepting things for how they are. I took a leap of faith and dropped out because I didn't like who  i was becoming... a bitchy sorority girl with no backbone. I let people walk all over me, gave people way more then they would ever give me, and hated myself on the outside. Depressing huh? I put on such a good face that nobody knows just how much im hurting. I try to talk to my best friend but all she does is ignore me and tell me I'm being dramatic. Sometimes we just need someone to listen, and i need someone now.
      I am so lonely it is unbearable. I have not personally talked to somebody my age in about 2 weeks. It is so hard. I know I have to be home because I would be an even more wreck at school. It is still hard though. I see couples everywhere and wonder why I cannot find a decent guy ever, I have such a guard up from so many people who have hurt me. I guess the reason why some of my friends do not fully understand me is because I have a secret in my past that I intend to keep secret. It would explain a lot of things but I don't think I will ever be ready to share that piece of me. I just want someone to hold me and tell me everything will be ok. I need someone other than my mom and dad to tell me they love me and make the effort to love me as hard as I love many people. Maybe thats my problem too... I love too hard, I love the wrong people. Life is so poopy sometimes. This is such a hard time in my life and its harder knowing the people you would be there for in a heartbeat won't even shoot you a text to see how your doing. Move on and Let go  I guess. Namaste

ok, now i'm just pathetic

I'm an idiot. 2 weeks left til formal and NO date yet. YIKES.
this week is super busy with homecoming and MIXERS so hopefully this means i will meet myself a hawt dude. Buzz kill of the week thought, my idiot of an ex(fb, bf, boy thing) wants to come see me because "he misses me so much." Im sure you do, i'm hot i know but he cant expect me to be excited after he dropped me for the mythical creature. Eww gross. Also buss kill, i miss my ex ex bf and aparently he misses me too? WONDERFUL. Yesterday I went to church for the first time in a long time and it felt awesome to be there. There is always those few creepy people who try to smoother you into joining their bible study or ask you a bunch of awkard questions to "get to know you" but really it's cover for judging you. Its great. But I love my bible study leader. She is an actual human who made mistakes just like me and shes such a great woman now. Plus she is going to try and set me up with a cool guy, hopefully hes not too religious because I can't date those boys, their too good for me and I feel uncomfortable. So heres the updates of the weekend.

FORMAL UPDATE:

• thursday I went to Fiesta DG to support my fellow sorority on campus and I ran into a cute guy named cameron, i think....its a little hard to remember but ya... cameron. Cute and total ski bum(just my type) I of course FB stalked him. Friday night he was single, saturday he was in a relationship...sounds familiar. So he is off the potential list. SHOOT

• friday I was home but I met a nice boy in the elevator. He thought I lived on his floor and was disappointed he had never met me before. Then he was even more devestated I actually didnt live on his floor. JUST MY LUCK

• saturday, saturday was a wonderful night. the perfect amount drunk. Al Pal took me to a party his hockey team was hosting. First off super awk because it was a redneck theme and I was wearing a super cute outfit so obvi all eyes were fixed on me as I walked in....not too shabby. I walked in and spotted at least 4 potential guys and I talked to everyone of them throughout the night. Lets just say, i hope alex takes me back...AND SOON!

• saturday i was talking to a hockey boy and another boy came and joined in. One of them told me to follow him so of course I did. Turns out other cute boy was trying to HIT on me the WHOLE NIGHT and i didnt notice it. first off he was cute, hilarious, strong(total turn on) AND was 22! wooo total hook for lyfee BUT NO i had to fuck it up! GREAT

All in all, this weekend had great potential but of course Ally found a way to mess it up. HIGH FIVEEE FREAK!

Formal Fail

So today let me start off; I basically failed at life.
1. I had composite pictures for my sorority. I looked like shit and I looked fat as fuckk
2. I had a Journalism test aka lets see how bad Ally can do in a fucking class.
3. It was cold, then hot, then cold, then hot, then FREEZING. I changed my outfit at least 3 times
4. MAJOR FAIL: i spend $115 on THETA attire, money that i should have kept for EMERGENCIES!
5. studying for a COMM midterm at theta, all the older girls walked past and said, prepare to get raped. give up now? i think YES

Don't think I forgot about my update on the search for the impossible: a formal date for ALLY
  UPDATE #2

• talked to a nice boy on the bus...went to stand up and got pulled right back down WHICH i was not expecting. turns out my strap on my backpack got wedged in between seats hence me falling right back down! So i guess you can say SUPER embarr especially because the kid laughed at me :( I didnt like you anyway bro! goddamn
• My fellow Theta babe, Aly is taking me the Theta Xi this weekend to find me a hottie, lets see how that goes....probably shittty but hey lets be optimistic, even though i have a beer belly now, iv still got some great tits ;)
• Backup plan of the day: my lady friend, SIMONE wassup girl!

All on all: NO PROGRESS MADE

song of the day: Break In the Clouds by: John Mayer ( my hubby)

I met a man I didn’t know that asked me how are you doing
Shoulda just said fine cause it’s all he wanted to hear
But for reasons unknown in a sorrowful tone I said
Man it’s been a hell of a year
And I don’t really know where I’m going
And I might just be hanging around

And I don’t really know where I’m going
And I might just be hanging around
If life’s shades of gray
Then I guess you could say
That I’ve been waiting for a break in the clouds

Formal: FML

How do girls in college find decent boys without being put in the friend zone or even worse, the hookup zone aka your in that zone forever! Yes I will agree its nice to have some fun hook ups but are they formal material? HELL NO! what are you going to do the whole time? Making out would be innappropriate but when your in the forbidden zone, emotions and personal topics are blacklisted. I need a real man, one who will tell me I look beautiful instead of jumping me as I walk in the door. I need a man who will hold my hand in public and actually be proud to be with me. I want a guy who will introduce me to his family as a special girl. We all can dream right?

I will keep updating you readers daily on my search for a DECENT, not even the perfect date! just someone who can look okay in a tux and can pretend he's interested for 6 hours which is a long time in boy time. I HAVE 3 WEEKS! SHIIIIIIIIT

Update day 1:

• keep catching a decently cute guy staring me in writing. Is he staring at my beauty or do i have a hair sticking up or is the ball of my nose hoop showing?! that would be SO EMBARR!
• met a Kappa Sig boy on the elevator, lives on the 5th floor. potential? maybs...hes a fratter tho :/
• I always have my sister.... 

Anybody know a dude who looks ANYTHING like him?! 

FORMAL DATE say what?!

Addictions

Is there a shoppers anonymous? IF so, can someone please direct me to the closest on because I am finally accepting my addiction. I spend class periods online putting shirts, cardis, sweaters, shoes, shorts, jeans, and anything else I feel like I need into my virtual shopping cart and then purchase then when I get home! I have no clue how I am going to keep up with this addiction considering i'm a poor college freshman who has to pay dues for my sorority! When I lived at home and had a car, my best friend Louise and I would go shopping almost everyday in the summer. I would blow my hard earned money on clothes I didn't need. But hey at least I have a great wardrobe now. If someone is in need of some item of clothing I probably have something they could wear. In high school I was known as a girl who had a wide variety of clothes as well as style. Some days I would go with the romantic look with soft colors and pretty make up or I would roll up in sweatpants and a over-sized hoodie....sup. My favorite piece of clothing I own as of right now is my Free People over sized sweater I got at Nordy Rack for $50 which was originally $100. I LOVE bargains like that, it takes me to my happy place in my heart. I know clothes shouldn't provide happiness but  I can't help it! Call me crazy but when I find an awesome piece or an amazing pair of shoes I can't help but melt, just like when I spot an adorable guy. I am a firm believer of when you dress well, you feel well . But I am also a firm believer of taking days off and looking like shit. It will make you feel better when you actually try in the morning. Being in college I have picked up a new habit which is detrimental to my laundry load I do every Thursday; i change outfits at least 3 times a day! I wake up and go to my a.m. classes, then I actually get ready for my other classes, THEN I change when I am done with classes, I have homework clothes and then god-forbid its a Thursday through Sunday, I have my going out clothes. Lets add that up... 5 wardrobe changes! I should be on a TV show! All of my clothes somehow end up in my laundry pile as well! p.s. mom if your reading this...SEND QUARTERS!!!

Right now for fall I am obsessed with my military jacket, my scarves, skinny jeans and my super cool nude steve madden TROOPAS! I am in complete love with these boots. they can be incorporated with so many different outfits. Pair with a dress to add a more edgy, grungy look or with a pair of cutoffs and a crop top for a laid-back look with a hint of badass. I feel like such a rebel with my military jacket, my troopas and my nose hoop. I want to find red lipstick like my life depended on it! I am planning on finding my perfected matted shade within reasonable range. Red juicy lips would just send my look over the top and i REALLY need a formal date! Hopefully is just what i need to find a man. Bring my look from edgy to super sultry.

 MY TROOPAS 

I have a similar jacket! in loveee

The beginning of my NEW beginning

Hello, Hello blogging world! Right now I should be preparing an essay template for my communications mid-term tomorrow but instead I decided to make a blogger account so I could share my college experience with those who cared. College has not what I thought it was going to be at all! In high school I wasn't the most popular girl but everyone knew who I was and I was friendly with most of the people in my graduating class of 500. I had so much self confidence and a great core group of friends as well as a super supportive family who prayed for me everyday. I loved to live up the weekends and i studied hard during the week. I guess you could say I was the poster-child for the saying, "work hard, play hard." I definitely was not the easiest child to bring up because i was always rebelling and getting myself into trouble because "I had to learn for myself." Bad decision on my part because I could have spent my senior year spring break with my friends instead I was stuck at home for a whole week because I decided to get way too drunk and on top of it, come home. Now looking back on it, i think it has helped me make better decision for these 7 weeks I have been up at school.

   From the day my parents dropped me off up here at school I knew things were going to be different. I was still upset about leaving my friends and family and mad at myself for letting a dumb senior boy wrap me around his finger so easily. Although I had a crazy, unexpected, raging two weeks before I packed up, I thought I was going to go even crazier than I did my senior year and the following summer. I was right for the first two weeks. Luckily my professors understood that the first two weeks of college for freshman does not consists of any critical thinking higher than what we were going to wear that night to get shwasted! The first two weeks were a blur. I couldn't tell you what day I went to which frat party or what I wore on which day. I guess that's how its suppose to be. But HEY,  I survived with only a couple bruises and no MIP, yes!

My best friend ashlyn and I , im in the red skirt! High school best friends turned into college best friends. I would do anything for this girl

 Mom and Dad at parents weekend! Love them so much

my beautiful sister <3

coolest boy around, LOUIE. the man. the myth. the ledgend

 My 5 best friends. we don't normally dress like this KE$HA was calling our name!

BID DAY! with ash!

THETA LOVE